Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Mary Mary, Quite Contrary - or the Manipulators' Nightmare

Why, whatever my mom will say, will I always want to do and say the exact opposite?

 (I find part of the lyrics weird; the singer is not my kind and the original video is too much teenage oriented. Besides the guitar riff is really from "Vasoline" by Stone Temple Pilots, which are a great band.
                       Anyhow, it's a nice song and I can agree on the main statement)
During a recent visit by my mom and her friend I was once again surprised at how me and my mom can't stay under the same roof for longer than a day without getting on each other's nerves.
Maybe I shouldn't be too surprised, but I certainly ask myself what's behind that.
My mom is a nice person, she is generous and affable; she is not a snobbish or bitchy lady ans still...If I look around I mostly see happier and  more satisfying mother-daughter relationships than mine.
Why is that?
Is it because I haven't forgiven her for having once read my home-work when I was eight (namely something I considered rather private)?
Or because she once let my cousin tidy my bedroom (and sure enough I was bringing it back to normal in less than a minute).
With all this in mind, when she was visiting some days ago, I tried to avoid confrontation, but of course she couldn't keep herself totally silent and had some comments to do: about the house, the kids, the food....
Essentially, I think, we have a very different vision of the world.
Different perceptions of what matters and different attitudes towards life in general.
I do believe though, that the main struggle focuses on her incomprehensible need to change people's mind when she thinks they are wrong.
There she has a big problem as I never think I am wrong don't want to change for someone else or for the sake of it,  but only if I think it's necessary. And I act stubbornly and consequently.
Which means this applies to any aspects of my life and to any relationship.
It also means that I am very respectful of other people's freedom and I have problems when it comes to handle situations where I am requested to express my wishes.
Sometimes I think I should live on a desert island to have it my way.
Not that I'd  be happy to be on my own all the time, but it would be kind of relaxing just to be able not to care about unimportant things.
But these are just dreams.
Anyway, in one thing my mom is absolutely right: I got the perfect punishment for being that way, in the form of a pretty stubborn daughter: another one who doesn´t let people tell her how she is supposed to do things.
It tires me a lot but I am secretly glad she will be a manipulators' nightmare, as much as I am.